Monday, March 26, 2012
Lonely night like this keeps me thinking about us, human. I think i am a very philosophical person in one way or another. I am currently pondering if one is able to really disregard the discomfort or discontentment towards the people around them, i mean...even their closest ones?
I don't have a solid post about that yet but personally...i think i do show my displeasure if the slightest thing irks me even by my closest ones. Not a huge one, but certainly i make sure its obvious enough to catch their attentions. Then i never have the courage to spit what is the fuss i am picking on. Why am i so ironic?
I just want them to know i am not happy? There is really something about him/her/them which got me frustrated but then i dare not reveal because i guess i am not ready to be judged. Like being judged for being impatient in waiting (when they could wait for me) or for being critical...Maybe, i just simply didn't want to hurt their feelings.
Many thoughts running through my mind but i know i couldn't pen it down here. I read dearest's blog and i do agree with her that it is pointless to write a post without anyone to agree or disagree with. But then if i were to pen it down here, i know my words will hurt other people and simply, be judged. Its a tug-of-war game between wanting to let my thoughts known yet the need to protect my words. I feel so sad that this space can never truly be mine.
Apprehensive and yet anticipating
Monday, March 19, 2012
Finally i started to blog again after losing the blogging bugs for some time. There were so many events to recollect hmmzz.
First of all...... received my Alevel results on 1st march! Did pretty average but already good enough for myself! :) Quite pleasantly surprised when i saw many of XMS friends went up on stage for honour roll! And of course congratulation to smelly foo! :) Result released day already passed by 2 weeks or so already and now its all about university applications. one word- TROUBLESOME. I think that pretty sums up my attitude towards those application procedure. I was procastinating for days and one fine day (night), i just turned on my lappy and started sending in my applications to ALL universities i mean SMU, NUS and NTU, all at one go. Really exhaustive but i had a really good night that night LOL. Payment and documents were handed in the next day. Essays were pretty casually done. I think i am the only one who treat these things so not seriously. :I
Next... Most of my weekends, usually saturday, were spent with the boy. Just met him again last saturday and he totally become skinny boy. So bony bth. I am always very happy that we are still going on pretty strong after so long which i had never expected for my first official relationship. I like how he likes to tease my pronunciation, hug me real tightly when im (faking) angry with him (even though he knows it but never takes it seriously!) I like how i hide my hand from him and he had to pull my hand out to hold his. How he likes to pinch my nose and the very next moment i sneeze. And even how he laughs at me whenever i embarrassed myself! <3
Also.. Met up with dearest, HC and umme quite occasionally these few weeks for dinner and all. I really am thankful for having these bunch of friends. I always believe its ok to have less friends as long as all that you have are all genuine and beautiful at hearts. :)
Lastly... I had my 19th birthday on 13 March! Had dinner and meet up with my girls 3 days before at swensen bugis. I got cheated badly. Haha. Luckily i didnt embarrassed myself in apologising to the salesman. Otherwise, it would certainly be a big joke.
Met DAWMSZ for earlier celebration as well, but zhenyi wasn't there. It was a combination of mine and my sister, ngsuhh. :D Had buffet dinner at cine. We always ended up calling too much for our stomach or i think mine. Anyway i felt that i havent seen them for very long and i remember i was very happy that day. :)
Had celebration with my family on the actual day. We had dinner at some zi char stall and afterwhich we walked the pasar malan. As compared to those who visit restaurants, hotels for celebration, this may seem too simple. But i am really proud to spell it out here. That day i saw the smiles on their faces, and i realised we have not been feeling this warmth for too long. I have once been impatient and intolerance towards them but that day it suddenly dawned on me i truely love this family, every single one of them. Is this a sign of growing old?
Even though there was no official celebration with the boy, i was still very happy to have my kins and friends around. Birthday celebrations can be this simple. Before i blew the candles, I made a wish. It was a quick one. My sis: So fast? Mum: She is contented enough with her life therefore she do not have so much wishes.
I find it so true.
A photo of the day:
