Buried.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Though it blew pass as soon as it came, but sometimes thinking about it still hurts.. None of us wish to mention this unhappy thing again, but we both know the scar remains. How I wish time could rewind. I ought to learn to be less selfish. I'm sorry.
'' Maybe when you've touched the heavens, you'll no longer be happy with little. When you're unhappy, sad thoughts will just keep attacking your mind... Yknow that feeling? I can't answer what's upsetting me. Not that I don't want to, I simply can't. So frustrating because I've been feeling sad so easily and so much recently. I can't say there weren't happy moments at all, there were. Just that my mood plunges.''
Got this from someone's blog, it's as if she's hit all those inner words that I couldn't have been able to express.
I should have known I'll behave this way. It's just like it's in me to wriggle myself into a ball and be nonchalent about the rest of the world. I never like me being this way. Never.
Those words still linger in my head and i guess I will never forget. Serve me right for my this damn attitude. I'm moving on, just like how I would each time I fell. I'm learning to be a better person.
The rat race
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
What's the point of saying it everytime and you do nothing about it? I don't understand. Those words I have seen and heard for years but I never see your appreciation anyway. Actions speak louder than words, you should know that.
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school has resumed. I'm afraid I will start to feel the everyday I wanna die feeling, at least not so soon. It feels so exaggerating that we just finished mid year and haven't gotten back all the papers and now what? Prelim is in 31 days. :( ok, this week is still the dilly dally week. Next week night study we shall begin!
C'on, show me some determination!!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The night is driving me nuts. I don't wanna sleep yet at this early hour though my body clock already show signs of system shutting down. Soooo here i am!
Sister taking her Olevel MT oral tmr. So freaking nostalgic. I still remember how we used to be so anxious about being the last in our MT class cause we know its freaking throw face. Anyway, that's not the point. I don't really remember how i survived my MT oral ordeal. hehe. Wish my sis the best of luck!!
So my main purpose here was to note down my post midyear resolution! ^^ (k la, im self entertaining.) My eyelids drooping!
1. Im gona freaking lose my weight and stop eating like a glutton!
2. Study like a mad cow since the start of tmr. (Im determined this time round!!)
3. Be good to those who treat me good. Be neutral to those who treat me wrong. :)
I guessed that's the main 3 that I really wanna achieved!
Best Day Of 2011 :D
USS trip with the girls was awesome manzx. That was actually the 4th time i went there but with different groups of people. That day was a unique experience cause i watched the watershow for the first time! Also, rode the Human & Cyclone rollercoaster in the night! i swear it was damn shiok high speeding in the night, it feels so cooling and coooool haha. Entered in the noon and the sun was burning like mad, i can feel stingy pain on my face. Nevertheless, we went exploring around. That place was still as awesome as i first went!
Had this huge pizza at the NY Pizza Palour. so hugeeee and we couldn't finished. The waitress was kinda mean to 'take away' our last piece of pizza when the rest (smelly, suhhy and shummy ^^)still innocently thought she meant take-away. haha. But the pizza was just alright, i still prefer pizzahut pan pizza though ^^
Met Puss in Boots! I think the cat is cute! looking at how flirtatious it was towards smelly. hahaha.
Dislike that monsterrrr, he banged my head so hard that i couldnt even fight back!! haha.
Ended the night with beautiful fireworks display! really nice and awesomeeee! I was damn amazed by it cause it was also the first time i witnessed such a glamourous firework display there! it was damn prettayeeee. :D
Time spent with the girls are wonderful manz. A pity that my boy never join us :< sincerely hope he can make it for our next outing. Im sure its gona be real fun once again! <3 DAWMSZ!
PS: Cheer up baby, there's always next time! :)And im sure no one blames you cause it ain't your fault yeah. Dont tire yourself out and rest if you can alright. Takecare and i love you! :}
Broken string
The time now is 6.02 am and I'm wide awake posting my inner thoughts. I couldn't sleep because my whole mind was filled about you, from the past to the present. I realised I was disappointed far too many times by the things you did or did not do but then I refused to tell you for fear of hurting you. But tonight/day I shouldn't hold back I guess. It's time to say what I really feel.
In the past, we were as close as sisters, almost inseperable. Friends used to envy much of how close we are and you never know how proud I am to have to have you. Last time you never fail to cheer me up and I always know you will be there for me anytime when I needed you. It used to be just right with the way we communicate, so close and memorable. Now, I can't feel this friendship anymore.
That Saturday. I woke up in the afternoon at 1.30pm with a major headache. I was wondering why there was not a single text from any of you or simply, from you. Then I realised it. You couldn't even bother about my presence anymore and it doesn't matter if I'm there or not. The whole day I just pushed my phone away with that teeny sense of lost. I guessed I really lost you as my piority. Knowing that you already turned your back on me doesn't feel good, really. But I'm getting used to it. Because I knew clearly, it's not the first time.
The difference between me and you was like if one day I'm having a date with you and you can't make it last minute, I will just say fine and cancelled the whole date and stayed at home the whole day thinking when is the right day to make free for our date again. While you, you will just find anyone else to substitute me and just simply forget the date between us even when postponing seems so unreal. It's not entirely wrong cause it may just be you. The feeling that you gave me was I'm just a nobody and anyone and everyone else can replaced me that easily. Who am I to you then? Don't make a joke telling me I'm someone you treasured alot. Honestly I don't feel you. I can just pick any of my friends I treasured from the bottom of my heart and I'm absolutely sure they treat me right more than you.
I don't know. I am the kind that I will speak whenever it bothers me. And esp those who really matters. Or rather used to matter. My advice to you was prolly dont take your other friendships superficially. You won't like it too when your friends sincerely place you close to heart and you know where you place them at.
Lastly, you should know who you are. I don't mean to said such harsh thing to you. If you should come upon this, I hope you know why I wrote this and think am I wrong to said that? If I did I apologised for anything that I interprete wrongly about. Yet this is how the way you show yourself to me. I can accept any of your flaws but as long as you know at least how to be true to your friend. If you can't even do this, I really dont see why I should stay on.
Slience wave
Thursday, July 07, 2011
What had gone wrong between us? I wonder if I still had a place in your heart all along this time cause a part of me am clueless to where I stand to you. It bothers me a great deal when I received your texts like they are so cold and...distant. Is this friendship gradually becoming meaningless? Friends like you always mean alot to me yet I really don't know who am I to you. The way we communicate is simply like a stranger or worse still enemy. Why? Did I make you upset again? You never tell me things that you ought to tell me and seem less to confide in me. I can't get into your world like I used to anymore. But you never understand. There's already a hole in here and it's getting bigger and bigger. You just never see... :( i don't know what I should do to save this cause it just seems that the more I do the more it got worse. Can I just let it be? Perhaps this hole will not hurt as much as I thought..
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today was the last paper for mid year. One whole freaking month of revising was totally screwed. I'm so gona work hard for prelim and score better this time round. These few days I shall consider taking a break but honestly I don't deserve this break. :{ afterwhich had a funny and retarded session with shum and ridz at tampines exploring the kiddies stuff and all. Then dinner with ny045 at sakae sushi at parkmall. Had buffet again and I was near bloated. And then those greedy pigs wanted frolick so I'm forced to had that too haha but frolick was nice. I like it topless haha. Home with keeee. Hope both of them like the cards me and kee made for them long long long time ago :)))
this year is passing way too fast. I need to speed up and stop living in my own world. Save myself before the world crash on me as expected if I keep sticking onto the same ground. Living this way is going to be history soon!
fatty meee
Sunday, July 03, 2011
just ate dinner and im already craving for macdonallll. i forsee i will be on my way to mac in an hr time. fatty me how. :(
winter summer
lazy.
okay, june holiday was kinda fufilling. i spent 1/4 weeks playing and the rest mugging hard for my midyears. which seems to screw at present oh well.
june hols, there was dearest's birthday celebration at resort world hotel and uss together with umme and hsiao. stayed-over there and the 4 of us were having a wild time playing nonsense and laughing like madcow.it has been long since we last gathered together and have fun hehe. this update came kinda late, anywayyyyy thanks tay! <333333
speaking of uss, im going with dawmsz once again this coming friday. so gona look forward to itttttttt esp with new noobies around cos their expressions will be damn funnyyyy :D haha kidding, but yeah it will be fun. :D
then there was trip back to batam. initially wanted to stay for a week but seriously the shopping malls there and the awesome food proved too tempting for me to continue my stay cos i know i will eventually sacrifice my works for those. ah gong's celebration was as usual ate at a seafood restaurant but this time round there was much fewer people :(
time flies and im almost finishing my midyear already. all i can say is i had tried my best but i dont think i will did well for those papers. i tend to forget things i learnt/revised a week ago and then there's will be this continuous cycle of rereading etc. i dont know if at the back of my mind those things linger around but it is true that i enter the hall often with half of my knowledge screwed up and most of my paper i think i did it with instinct hahaha. k random, it feels like holiday now. just went shopping with baby yesterday. bought two tops and im so satisfied manzzz cos i freaking miss out the gss cos of my studies. :/ im looking forward to own the two heelssssss. :D