Broken string
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The time now is 6.02 am and I'm wide awake posting my inner thoughts. I couldn't sleep because my whole mind was filled about you, from the past to the present. I realised I was disappointed far too many times by the things you did or did not do but then I refused to tell you for fear of hurting you. But tonight/day I shouldn't hold back I guess. It's time to say what I really feel.
In the past, we were as close as sisters, almost inseperable. Friends used to envy much of how close we are and you never know how proud I am to have to have you. Last time you never fail to cheer me up and I always know you will be there for me anytime when I needed you. It used to be just right with the way we communicate, so close and memorable. Now, I can't feel this friendship anymore.
That Saturday. I woke up in the afternoon at 1.30pm with a major headache. I was wondering why there was not a single text from any of you or simply, from you. Then I realised it. You couldn't even bother about my presence anymore and it doesn't matter if I'm there or not. The whole day I just pushed my phone away with that teeny sense of lost. I guessed I really lost you as my piority. Knowing that you already turned your back on me doesn't feel good, really. But I'm getting used to it. Because I knew clearly, it's not the first time.
The difference between me and you was like if one day I'm having a date with you and you can't make it last minute, I will just say fine and cancelled the whole date and stayed at home the whole day thinking when is the right day to make free for our date again. While you, you will just find anyone else to substitute me and just simply forget the date between us even when postponing seems so unreal. It's not entirely wrong cause it may just be you. The feeling that you gave me was I'm just a nobody and anyone and everyone else can replaced me that easily. Who am I to you then? Don't make a joke telling me I'm someone you treasured alot. Honestly I don't feel you. I can just pick any of my friends I treasured from the bottom of my heart and I'm absolutely sure they treat me right more than you.
I don't know. I am the kind that I will speak whenever it bothers me. And esp those who really matters. Or rather used to matter. My advice to you was prolly dont take your other friendships superficially. You won't like it too when your friends sincerely place you close to heart and you know where you place them at.
Lastly, you should know who you are. I don't mean to said such harsh thing to you. If you should come upon this, I hope you know why I wrote this and think am I wrong to said that? If I did I apologised for anything that I interprete wrongly about. Yet this is how the way you show yourself to me. I can accept any of your flaws but as long as you know at least how to be true to your friend. If you can't even do this, I really dont see why I should stay on.